Opening up about Insecurities and Jealousy

I was going to just watch ‘Rick and Morty and fall asleep. That’s what I thought but last night became so much more. A moment in my life.

Last night I opened up about my insecurities and my jealousy to the person I had these feelings towards.  It was liberating, worrying, draining, and a relief. I was tired of keeping those feelings to myself and the circumstances of the night meant it was in the interest of everyone involved to be open and very candid about what I truly felt and thought.

It was a moment of discovery.

When I told her that to me she was perfection in every sense of the word, I was not expecting the conversation that followed. What I said to her was : You are freaking goals and she is.

I have always had a strong admiration for her which translated into jealousy.

Why was her skin so flawless? Why did she have such a nice figure? Why could I not be as outgoing and as easy to love as her? Will I be able to have men swoon over me like they do her? How is she all these things and then intelligent? How is she so strong and smile even in the midst of brimstone and flames?

Do you understand how infallible this person is to me? I have desired to be just as perfect as her. I know it is better to be myself. There is no one better that yourself. FACT. However, if I’m going to learn about myself then I need to be honest with what I feel and what I felt was jealousy and insecurities compared to this perfect human.

Opening up to her allowed us to both share with one another things we otherwise would never have. She expressed how she was everything but perfect and all I wanted to do at the time was to see herself the way I and a lot of other people saw her. GOALS

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She wasn’t trying to be humble. She didn’t know how desirable she was, how much other people wanted to be her. I wanted to be her and she didn’t even want to be herself. It made me feel sad, I needed her to know that she was a girl worth fighting for, a girl worth being.

I didn’t know what to say so I told her “I love you.”

And I hope she understands that I meant it.

I still believe that she is perfect, even with her baggage and with all her flaws, I truly do believe it. I’m jealous of her not out of spite. It is founded on a great amount of admiration.

I love her. I value my friendship with her above other friendships. I wish she could understand her great value. She is freaking goals.

There we go.

How are you doing?

Am I goals?

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16 thoughts on “Opening up about Insecurities and Jealousy

  1. Not everyone can easily open up to their admiration for other friends. Esp. When a bit of jealousy is concealed there.
    But you are a one kind of a person too. You are SUPER goals .

  2. You’re already goals for putting this out here B!
    This is truly amazing and quite an eye opener.. admiration for someone is absolutely normal, even for it to get to jealousy, you know…
    But being able to talk about it to the person is a really good thing to do..
    You’re goals dear, they just don’t have the courage to tell you yet…
    I actually enjoyed reading it…
    It felt like I was starting an intense book…
    Lovely and welcome back🎀

  3. Thank you so much for opening up to us like this. Honestly it’s something a lot of people struggle with but are too afraid to come clean able. It’s interesting to see what one person sees as imperfection another might see as flawlessness. I hope to be as vocal about things like this one day.

  4. This is such a hard conversation. I recently shared how much I loved a few black girl bosses because they had a great careers. One of the girls asked me what about myself-Why couldn’t I be added to the list. I didn’t even think about that at all. So I totally identify with this blog post . Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks for taking the time out to visit my blog.
      After this conversation I realised that, regardless of what you think about yourself there is probably someone who wants to be exactly like you.

  5. Babe you are goals . Your puppy dog eyes are goals. Your hair cut is goals. Your relationship is goals. You love for food is goals mehn. You are the bestest friend I could have ever asked for. I love you so much.
    xoxo

  6. You are so brave for being honest. It is so easy to gloss over our feelings and hide behind our screens. You may have been the bright light she needed that day all while laying down your burden.

  7. I opened up to my boyfriend about how the girl (no romantic connection between them whatsoever) he sees every day because she’s in all of his classes gets to see him every day and I don’t. We are in a long distance relationship and it breaks my heart that she gets to spend so much time with him, whereas most of our relationship is behind a screen. It’s hard a lot of the time, but it just shows that we all have to trust in ourselves and believe in us. Thank you for this great read!

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