I was going to just watch ‘Rick and Morty and fall asleep. That’s what I thought but last night became so much more. A moment in my life.
Last night I opened up about my insecurities and my jealousy to the person I had these feelings towards. It was liberating, worrying, draining, and a relief. I was tired of keeping those feelings to myself and the circumstances of the night meant it was in the interest of everyone involved to be open and very candid about what I truly felt and thought.
It was a moment of discovery.
When I told her that to me she was perfection in every sense of the word, I was not expecting the conversation that followed. What I said to her was : You are freaking goals and she is.
I have always had a strong admiration for her which translated into jealousy.
Why was her skin so flawless? Why did she have such a nice figure? Why could I not be as outgoing and as easy to love as her? Will I be able to have men swoon over me like they do her? How is she all these things and then intelligent? How is she so strong and smile even in the midst of brimstone and flames?
Do you understand how infallible this person is to me? I have desired to be just as perfect as her. I know it is better to be myself. There is no one better that yourself. FACT. However, if I’m going to learn about myself then I need to be honest with what I feel and what I felt was jealousy and insecurities compared to this perfect human.
Opening up to her allowed us to both share with one another things we otherwise would never have. She expressed how she was everything but perfect and all I wanted to do at the time was to see herself the way I and a lot of other people saw her. GOALS
She wasn’t trying to be humble. She didn’t know how desirable she was, how much other people wanted to be her. I wanted to be her and she didn’t even want to be herself. It made me feel sad, I needed her to know that she was a girl worth fighting for, a girl worth being.
I didn’t know what to say so I told her “I love you.”
And I hope she understands that I meant it.
I still believe that she is perfect, even with her baggage and with all her flaws, I truly do believe it. I’m jealous of her not out of spite. It is founded on a great amount of admiration.
I love her. I value my friendship with her above other friendships. I wish she could understand her great value. She is freaking goals.
There we go.
How are you doing?
Am I goals?